信仰と決断

Faith and decision.

Leaving those that burden us to move forward.

Frailty of the human mind. Emotional contagion. The flip side of the soft-spoken, polite child. The lost of innocence. Fearful sleep in the dark. The urge for a release. The wail that is swallowed by forced silence.

The last meeting's memories irrecoverable, recreating the sensation of the past by referring to fragmented, biased recollections.

My right hand's getting numb, but I have no intention to move from this small, cramped white room. The dimming light, the familiar music, the scent from before lingers.

No, it is as if I am facing the past once again.

Leaving those that burden me to move forward.

I am sorry that I cut our connection short, best friend. I am sorry that I toyed with your feelings and manipulated the events just to make you vulnerable. I am sorry that I took advantage of the situation and used you to enact a plan of revenge onto someone that was our mutual friend.

Now I will do my hardest to not do that anymore. I thought I can handle the guilt until I die, but it seems like this guilt will be the death of me.

The false deity pierced with the offering flowers and laughed. He sneered and shouted before fading into nothingness.

'You are a mere figment of our mind. We made you appear, and now we made you disappear.'

It's as if the me that talks to other people and the me that keeps quiet are two different people. What do I fear, what can I fear? There's nothing but imagination that others are going after my throat.

Dreamed and reminisced.

The connection between the two people of that past is represented best as a single mobile phone, and it was as if I had returned back to that moment.

Dreams are loud, and make me ponder.

Leaving in paragraphs, words spoken were heard and answered, but the true intentions were buried underneath gratitude.

"Thank you for everything in the past four years."
I know I made a mistake back then, but don't go.

"If I see you again, I want you to be happier."
I'd be much happier if everything returned back to how it is.

No, I am not waiting for a miracle. I definitely am not waiting for a miracle. And I am not begging for an answer anymore. It has been made clear on that one night. Shifting blames will not solve anything.

The scenario concocted by my mind is very close to reality, but it disappears as soon as I open my eyes. Just an illusion of happier times that I could have achieved and maintained, had I be more open and honest about myself.

It felt warm, and I have really forgot how comforting it was.