泣かない

'Don't cry', just for a little while
I wish that you would just stay for a while more
Like old times, sharing this small space
Looking for the flashing light in the night sky

It is not like now I am sad because of you
But at the same time
I am not happy as well

A small gesture we shared before
Now we pretend to not see each other
Because we do not want to hurt anyone anymore

Across the station where we first met
I stop by and gaze around
All I see are shadows
Leaving me behind
Trapped inside an immovable time bubble

I wish that we can see each other again
So I do not forget you
Although it is painful to recall
Those moments we had together
They shine like a beacon
In the dark landscape of the sea

If I am to turn back time
Would our feelings be reset
Or being retained from the last present
Knowing how it will end like
Brewing our magic
Hiding and popping out whenever we like
Watching the calendar as it moves on to that day

With this, we are growing up a little
Past mistakes as lessons
We went through that gate for the last time
Holding our breaths
Withholding the desire to go back
Won't that be good?

It is all right
It is not like I feel like crying
But at the same time, I am also not smiling
It is pointless to fight
But it is not a good thing to resign
Moving along the flow of time to someplace far away
A place without your magic

Beyond this farewell
A new world opens up
A story ends
Another story goes on

Across that station
Trying to catch a glimpse of you
I say goodbye once again silently
While watching your back fade into the crowd

A Song That Reminds You of Home

A train of thought, immortalized in parchment. People who read it is imparted with a fragment of the parchment's mind, therefore he continues to live even when his physical body ceased to exist.

Is it not a form of immortality? Deceiving the divine rules, finding loopholes to be exploited while pretending to obey. Is it an idea that is planted inside us from the very beginning? We are expected to act how we are, and we are just simply living the scripts prepared inside the huge record somewhere.

If we are truly following a predetermined course, then we are somewhat of a terminal, accessing the database and gaining knowledge of where to set our foot when we walk. There is no need to decide whether we have to start walking with our left foot or the right foot, everything is already set in stone from the beginning.

Living without any worries of what the future holds for us, because in the end, fate already ties us to our destinations. Each to their own, but sometimes we cross paths with other people because fate tells us to. From here, the two people that have met might exchange words and vows, although knowing that this meeting does not meant that they are to be joined eternally.

Sleeping and waking up to a gentle blue light, I see outside my window the faint glow of the moon, shyly hiding underneath the wispy gray cloud. I dreamt that the world is permanently dyed in warm yellow, but it did not bother me that much. After all, an apple is still an apple, even though it does not appear normal. However, when it was offered to me, I refused. I am full, I replied, even though I could not sense my body to be there. It was like I was travelling here and there as a detached consciousness away from my body.

I see, I ponder, I answer. Therefore I am living.

Weeks ago, I was told that due to how I commented on how the situation was, others were able to have a grasp on how to properly deal with a difficult person that we were talking to. "Thanks to you, we managed to get him under control," said the self-proclaimed leader. Diffusing the situation properly with just words, apparently I was able to analyze and deduce their state of mind during the brief confrontation.

Did I really do that?

I really thought that I was just going through this life aimlessly, but apparently I am also doing something for others without me realizing it. Or so they said.

I met someone the other day, and even though we are still strangers, somehow I feel like we have known each other for a very long time. There was something that attracts us to each other, and the silence between us two were comfortable. It feels like that at some point in that person's life, she has decided to abandon everything and continue living for the sake of others, because dying now will make some people sad. After all those people passed away, who knows?

This feeling I have and the feeling she has, it is something that we understand very well and we both know that we are drawn to each other. An allure that wishes to separate us from other people. However, it is not romance. It is something much more simpler than that, something that others might not be able to comprehend completely. That being said, it is also not simple to explain, and even as I typed this, I ended up being confused and frustrated because I cannot find the right words to express it.

It was just a fleeting moment, but I know that she knows, and we were able to achieve a mutual understanding in that brief moment. A complete understanding is impossible, but what we achieved were enough to let us figure out each other on our own. We might not be able to see each other again, but the sight of her sitting alone, waiting for someone else to come, will forever be etched into my memory, as it is the sight of someone with a longing so painfully hidden but seeps out slowly to others that can feel it.