ligusticifolia

Expand your consciousness...

Here is a short story of a lone clematis.

One of a kind among the others, the clematis was unique as it was not birthed the normal way. It descended from the heavens in seed form, landed upon the soil and grew magnicifently under the guidance of the rose.

While it longed for the gentle touch of the rain...

The rain that had accompanied it at times when it bloomed.

It had been a while since it tasted the comforting embrace of the rain... It looked up to the place where it had originated, hoping for the clouds to cry on it.

It asked the heavens to give it a sign, if it was to rain once again. To let out a thunderous roar if it was to rain once again.

A wish that was granted. The heavens did roar and it gave the clematis an everlasting hope to feast upon the rain.

Soon it was met with disappointment as the rain was not as intense as it hoped. Disappointment led to anger that it swallowed silently, bare ignoring the pain burning within.

It continued to bloom beautifully, because it was its duty to entertain others despite its true feelings.

Deprived of the gentle touch, it slowly succumbed to an illness which wilted all its body. The vibrant petals, the ones it was proud of, fell one by one, agonising it as they detached.

The heavens did not even notice how it suffered...

And soon the clematis was of no more... Merely discarded away for the birth of another beautiful being.

Another Side

So much happened in the duration of half a year. So much that I am tired. Very tired.

Lately I am under pressure as this is the time where my future is being put on stake, or as I prefer to say it, being put on the pens and papers.

Trust me, there is nothing more stressful than knowing that if you mess up, your future will be bereft of the light cast from your dream.

So I am trying to cope with it, by talking to different kinds of people. Observing as much as I can, learning of their gestures, their emphasise on certain words as they speak, the way their eyes blink as they converse, how their hands move with every words that escapes their lips...

Yes I am aware that I sound like a very dangerous person, watching your every move while being right in front of you. Imagine me staring hard.

But no, I am not that kind of person who records every details of you and use them against you someday.

I am just observing, as I said before. I observe on how they talk about their problems, how they boast about certain talents they have, idle topics that seem to go on and on...

This is to achieve better understanding, to gain inspiration. I have learnt of their insecurities, of their confidence, of their level of commitment on something or someone.

In other words, I am absorbing their knowledge. I am trying to emulate their ways in dealing with different situations.

And the results are not that satisfying.

Different person yield different problems, which in turn require different methods to solve them.

"Ignore others and shine in your own way" was the only lesson meaningful enough for it to stick in my mind until now, dear You Who I Wish To Unseat. I hold true to that phrase from years ago.

Thank you, but now I want to take my own step forward without you leading the way. Call me ungrateful, but it is necessary for my own so-called evolution.

Just watch over me and I'll shower you with gratitute once I've succeed else if I fail I will return to learn once again.

kyouou to kagen no tsuki no megumi

Thus, let us begin the feast

What do you see? What can you see?
The far-off walls painted red, tinted with seams of silver
Do not forget the reason the knife in your hands is sharpened

The goblet half-empty, refill it after quenching the burning thirst
Find your victim, pick the one that captures your murderous eyes
Remember to stop before the heart stops beating else you suffer the wretched disease

Your lips, bright red, attract the delicious preys and rendering them helpless
Sing in the voice that lures them, lead them to their resurrection
"Don't need this no more", so discard the cutleries from your hands and waltz to the unwary
Let the image of the dangerously elegant you burns into their eyes

Let the feast continue, before the bluish hue of the enigmatic rose fades away

Have you being satisfied? Do you crave more?
Invitations are sent, awaiting the arrivals of guests
Let us resharpen the knife that you have thrown away

Your lips, seductive, captive the innocent preys and rendering them breathless
Hum the requiem you have prepared, as their final play
"Need no fear, this will end soon", cease their useless struggles and end your desire

No, don't let them go away
Lure them, charm them into your deathly embrace
The coldness of your arms as their final resting place

Thus, let us end the feast

Bousenkikojou

You repeatedly say, "tears are my eternal companion"
Covering your face, shivering
Gazing into the distorted dream you have created

Around you is the barrier you erected in fear of intimacy
But you spread your arms as if seeking for a warm embrace
Yet you are afraid of rejection so painful you wish to crawl away and just die

Smiles carved, laughters echoed and you still are lamenting
Saying you have been able to discard the past while gingerly caressing the faint scars
Surely they have healed, but the throbbing ache never subsides
Slipping into the madness of loneliness as your lies polymerise

Because in the past you have done much to hurt others
Because right now you are ridden with so much guilt
So much you isolate yourself in fear of tainting others with your own filth
So much you retreat back to the night cradle to return back to sleep

Lowering your voice as you speak, refraining from waking others
You still yearn for their acceptance although you are afraid of rejection

Perhaps it's time you forgive yourself
So shed away the agony you keep with you all the times and emerge anew