An option is to pave a way through
Mindless graceful movements, fingers danced above the checkered board
Slyly feeding on the defenseless victim unwary
The look on your face is priceless
Gathering, the grand feast of royal
Passing underneath the watchful eyes whose gaze are fixed onto the queen
Laughing, swiftly striking down all
In a while nothing is saved by lies
Gleefully savouring the struggle, continuing the torment to the unwary
The shine of your eyes speaks murderous intent
"All is true, all is lie"
Turning into a servant of sadistic desire, to satisfy the crave for innocent pain
Loving the scent of the victim who is unable to do anything
Eternally, the people turned into pieces to be manipulated around you
Rising anew fallen ones, reforming a new blank state of mind
The eyes reflect nothing but emptiness
Slow, blinding venom coursing through the veins
Creating a perfect set by your own hands
Let them devour the world for you
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
unheimliche finsternis
Sleep eludes me yet I am tired.
These past few months, a lot of changes happened. People came and went. Some looked back to say their farewell while others didn't even offer the slightest courtesy of a glance. Things found and lost. Eyesight deteriorated even further. A long-lost interest re-ignited. Gained a few new idiosyncrasies; some good, some bad. Suppressing the desire that may lead to disastrous end which I may regret, or which I may not.
How kindness can lead you into a dangerous trap where escape is nearly impossible.
I even discovered that flip-sides can be read by dissovling yourself into one's train of thoughts. And it's even easier to read the acts of a shy person. Just have to understand how their minds flow and how they connect things in their head.
How a person who has the grace of God's name committed one of the most heinous crime ever. Killing other's interest and rendering their effort of obtaining an object of obsession moot.
The person who caught him red-handed is proud of himself yet beneath the surface, he is no better, if not worse. Promised to not reveal the full detail of the crime yet gave out obvious clues that tell people what it was all about. I smell the stench of hypocrite.
But who am I to judge. I just observe and remember. Perhaps a career of psychologist might be viable for me.
Or it might not.
This post is to test whether I have gotten rusty or not after so long speaking broken English. Not that I want to, I had to. In order to get accepted into a pack, one must behave like the members.
Else I risk isolation.
These past few months, a lot of changes happened. People came and went. Some looked back to say their farewell while others didn't even offer the slightest courtesy of a glance. Things found and lost. Eyesight deteriorated even further. A long-lost interest re-ignited. Gained a few new idiosyncrasies; some good, some bad. Suppressing the desire that may lead to disastrous end which I may regret, or which I may not.
How kindness can lead you into a dangerous trap where escape is nearly impossible.
I even discovered that flip-sides can be read by dissovling yourself into one's train of thoughts. And it's even easier to read the acts of a shy person. Just have to understand how their minds flow and how they connect things in their head.
How a person who has the grace of God's name committed one of the most heinous crime ever. Killing other's interest and rendering their effort of obtaining an object of obsession moot.
The person who caught him red-handed is proud of himself yet beneath the surface, he is no better, if not worse. Promised to not reveal the full detail of the crime yet gave out obvious clues that tell people what it was all about. I smell the stench of hypocrite.
But who am I to judge. I just observe and remember. Perhaps a career of psychologist might be viable for me.
Or it might not.
This post is to test whether I have gotten rusty or not after so long speaking broken English. Not that I want to, I had to. In order to get accepted into a pack, one must behave like the members.
Else I risk isolation.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Remember to Remember Us
Years ago I somehow can see how things are going to be with us all.
I saw everyone, on the same path, walking off to their own destination.
I cried so much. After one whole year spent to forge a bond, then it seemed like it was about to break.
In my mind, I pictured our class, 5A of SMR 2008, as a seed. That was during the first few months upon meeting you all.
Then came along the event, the Science Corner. It was during that time that the seed in my mind began sprouting.
Not long after that, came the moment I remembered much. The moment when some of us scored badly in some tests and exams. It was like a day without the sun; like a bird without its wings; like the moon without her stars. Though feeling down, some still attempted to cheer others up despite holding back their own tears. This was the time the sprouting seed grew a bud.
Nearing the end of the year, when everyone kept on supporting each other, the bud suddenly bloomed into a royal yellowish-hued rose. It was a symbol of hope, a symbol of friendship for me and I kept it in my mind since then.
The yellow rose was nourished by the constant care and loving by each one of you, to which I was glad. It had kept me company during the years of college.
Then came the year 2011...
Watching everyone wept... Most in joys and some in sorrow... It was heart-breaking.
Desperate for some comfort, I reached out into my mind to call forth the flower, months forgotten due to my carelessness during the long, dull days of waiting.
It horrified me that the only thing left was just a couple of petals, painfully vibrant against the darkened surrounding.
I kept it a secret from everyone, even my love. I was worried I would lose everyone and driven to paranoia, I started to distance myself. I didn't answer to text messages immediately and I took a couple of hours just to type in a reply. Sometimes when I did met you guys I just watched and listened while occasionally attempted to engage in small talks.
"These guys have become part of your life," I heard myself whispered. "Now they all are going to leave you, just like how the imaginary flower discarded those petals."
At times, I just tried to record everything that happened during the weekly meet, both via memory and writing. Sometimes I typed, and sometimes I scribbled. No doubt that this was an act close to restrained possessiveness but I just didn't know what else to do.
After days fluttering by, when reading the Eid Al-Fitri's greetings posted at the group page, I realised that despite going off to each one's preferred destination, we all are anchored to one singularity.
With that realisation, the leftover petals all disappeared, replaced the the lone yellow rose that blooms even beautifully than before.
I do hope that you all stay, but I still believe that we will all still be connected no matter how far the distance.
It is no surprise that I feel heavy in heart to see you all take flight, but I know it is for the best.
Undoubtedly the absences will make an immeasurable longing to the members left here but rest assured, we will be waiting with open hands for your return.
Be safe, eat much, sleep well and concentrate. That pretty much summarizes every advices I want to tell.
Until then, keep the memories of us within yourselves and upon your return, we shall create new ones.
I definitely am going to miss you all.
I saw everyone, on the same path, walking off to their own destination.
I cried so much. After one whole year spent to forge a bond, then it seemed like it was about to break.
In my mind, I pictured our class, 5A of SMR 2008, as a seed. That was during the first few months upon meeting you all.
Then came along the event, the Science Corner. It was during that time that the seed in my mind began sprouting.
Not long after that, came the moment I remembered much. The moment when some of us scored badly in some tests and exams. It was like a day without the sun; like a bird without its wings; like the moon without her stars. Though feeling down, some still attempted to cheer others up despite holding back their own tears. This was the time the sprouting seed grew a bud.
Nearing the end of the year, when everyone kept on supporting each other, the bud suddenly bloomed into a royal yellowish-hued rose. It was a symbol of hope, a symbol of friendship for me and I kept it in my mind since then.
The yellow rose was nourished by the constant care and loving by each one of you, to which I was glad. It had kept me company during the years of college.
Then came the year 2011...
Watching everyone wept... Most in joys and some in sorrow... It was heart-breaking.
Desperate for some comfort, I reached out into my mind to call forth the flower, months forgotten due to my carelessness during the long, dull days of waiting.
It horrified me that the only thing left was just a couple of petals, painfully vibrant against the darkened surrounding.
I kept it a secret from everyone, even my love. I was worried I would lose everyone and driven to paranoia, I started to distance myself. I didn't answer to text messages immediately and I took a couple of hours just to type in a reply. Sometimes when I did met you guys I just watched and listened while occasionally attempted to engage in small talks.
"These guys have become part of your life," I heard myself whispered. "Now they all are going to leave you, just like how the imaginary flower discarded those petals."
At times, I just tried to record everything that happened during the weekly meet, both via memory and writing. Sometimes I typed, and sometimes I scribbled. No doubt that this was an act close to restrained possessiveness but I just didn't know what else to do.
After days fluttering by, when reading the Eid Al-Fitri's greetings posted at the group page, I realised that despite going off to each one's preferred destination, we all are anchored to one singularity.
With that realisation, the leftover petals all disappeared, replaced the the lone yellow rose that blooms even beautifully than before.
I do hope that you all stay, but I still believe that we will all still be connected no matter how far the distance.
It is no surprise that I feel heavy in heart to see you all take flight, but I know it is for the best.
Undoubtedly the absences will make an immeasurable longing to the members left here but rest assured, we will be waiting with open hands for your return.
Be safe, eat much, sleep well and concentrate. That pretty much summarizes every advices I want to tell.
Until then, keep the memories of us within yourselves and upon your return, we shall create new ones.
I definitely am going to miss you all.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Turn Left, Turn Right
I was drawn to you like the moth dangerously attracted to the flickering fiery flames. I was eager to know you more, but the barrier erected around my heart hindered my attempts to take a step forward. Your voices echoed and thrived in my mind so much that I thought I was going mad.
How could a person captured my interest so easily like you did? Why did my heart ached whenever you turned and walked away from me after exchanging words with each other? How could, amongst you and your friends, I found it hardest to look into your eyes yet I did not wish to turn my gaze to anywhere else?
Those questions were answered a year ago.
I was afraid to lose you, that was why I was hurting to see your back. Every footsteps you take further away from me makes my heart weaker and weaker.
And a year ago, I took a huge leap forward. To take your hand and to whisper such words, it took me my whole self to do so. Yet you did not let out the slightest sign of laughter as I believed I had made myself a court jester in front of many people.
I dislike your tendency to briefly leave my side, as I am plagued with a mind that tend to interpret a lot of things in a symbolic manner, but that is the source of the drive that makes me want to stay with you.
Someone so hard to find like you, it would be a cold day in hell before I let you go easily.
I love you so much. A year has passed since that day. A day I won't regret of having.
To my dearest.
How could a person captured my interest so easily like you did? Why did my heart ached whenever you turned and walked away from me after exchanging words with each other? How could, amongst you and your friends, I found it hardest to look into your eyes yet I did not wish to turn my gaze to anywhere else?
Those questions were answered a year ago.
I was afraid to lose you, that was why I was hurting to see your back. Every footsteps you take further away from me makes my heart weaker and weaker.
And a year ago, I took a huge leap forward. To take your hand and to whisper such words, it took me my whole self to do so. Yet you did not let out the slightest sign of laughter as I believed I had made myself a court jester in front of many people.
I dislike your tendency to briefly leave my side, as I am plagued with a mind that tend to interpret a lot of things in a symbolic manner, but that is the source of the drive that makes me want to stay with you.
Someone so hard to find like you, it would be a cold day in hell before I let you go easily.
I love you so much. A year has passed since that day. A day I won't regret of having.
To my dearest.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Those Who Are Unwilling
"Judecca," said the lady clad in a dark Victorian era dress. She called the name as one would call a lover. Yet she wasn't given any responce from the beautiful fair-skinned, blue-eyed girl sitting while hugging her legs.
This silence would continue until finally the blue-eyed girl speaks. Her voice was so tiny that anyone who hasn't have the slightest idea that she will speak, will surely wouldn't be able to heard her.
"Why?" she asked the lady, still staring into nothing. There was a slight bitterness in her tone, like the mere act of talking disgusts her.
The lady smiled. "Still harboring a deep hatred towards me, eh? Judecca my dear, if it wouldn't because of me you will not even exist at all!" Walking slowly to the girl, her dress billowed elegantly as she moved.
The girl didn't say anything. Nor did her offer any gesture of confirmation that she acknowledge what the lady had said. She continued to sit motionless, the only movement from her was the batting of her eyelids at certain times. Regardless of anything, she didn't budge. Not even when the lady put her long, thin arms around her, hugging her closely that she seemed to be engulfed in the lady's dress.
"Judecca," the lady said, her lips were not far from the girl's right ear. "Please don't be like this. You of all people should understand the pain of being unwanted." She pressed against the girl's cheek, tasting her and breathing in her scent. "You know that I always have my eyes on you, do you? Ever since the first time I saw you, so frail and tiny a human could be, cradling the mangled remains of that man, I knew I wouldn't be able to forget you. I have put my mark on you so no matter where you are..." The lady purposely breathed into her ear, hoping she would show any sign.
She smiled when she felt the girl trembled lightly. The ears were her weak spots, the lady thought. How irresistablingly cute. Continuing her advances while watching the girl closely, she couldn't help but slowly caressing the fair-skinned neck, tracing the smoothness of it with her own soft fingertips, imagining the sensation of kissing it would bring to both of them. This time, the lady was the one who shuddered.
Out of the sudden, the girl turned her head, staring sharply into the lady's eyes, her own burned with hatred, seething with undescribable anger. She pushed the lady away and kept on gazing coldly at her.
"Don't touch me."
Three simple words, complimented by the tone she used while uttering them. It was clear that she was indeed dead serious.
Tears rolled down the lady's cheeks. She was denied the chance to earn the warmth of this very attractive girl and that was what she had been looking forward for many days. "Judecca, please..." she moaned.
"Leave me alone. Your presence irks me," the girl replied. Then she went back hugging her legs, burying her face into her arms. Her hair fell forward, shielding her from the lady's sight.
The lady didn't say anything more. She wasn't prepared for this as she thought the girl would fall for her so easily due to her charms that could seduce both men and women alike. Being rejected by someone she really wanted was something new to her.
"I see. So you won't even allow me to be next to you, aren't you? Do you know to what extend I suffer with you not being next to me? Do you know how much I wished that you would be mine even for a brief moment? I have given you a new life, and this is how you repay me? That perfect petite body, it was I who gave it to you and by right, I am able to claim it anytime I want!"
The lady breathed heavily, awaiting the sweet girl's reply. Wiping her tears and letting some fell onto her lap so to better display her emotion.
The girl raised her head. "I didn't ask you to revive me. I didn't even want to live once again, no matter in what form I returned into. I had enough with this sick world, a world of perpetual conflict. I wanted to escape, do you understand? Yet you came waltzing along, pulling me into your embrace, asking me to graze on your lips. That time, I thought you are an angel of Death, came to claim my soul, to ferry me into the afterlife," the girl said in a voice devoid of sympathy. "I was wrong. You did not come to put me out of my misery. You instead bound me to the world I wanted to escape so much. Do you realise what you have done? This new life you granted me, it's not a blessing. Of all thing, it is a curse."
"But dear Judecca, you are too beautiful a girl to be left dead. You do not deserve the fate that befell others. You do not deserve to be put underground, to be fouled by the stench of decay. The putridness of such smell will rob you of purity you possessed when you were alive. That is why I forged a new body for you and put you there. You are too lovely to be dead," the lady interjected. Her tears flowed even more as every single word she said felt like a thorn spat out from her mouth.
The girl was visibly upset by the revelation, evident by her chewing her lips and the way she casted down her head. "Then please, just kill me now. You brought me back, you must know how to send me to where I am supposed to belong."
The lady smiled weakly. "This is where you belong, Judecca. Forget about your mortal life, and live here with me. I... I have been so lonely without anyone so I created you to be my companion."
The girl, disappointed with the answer, once again buried her face into her arms.
"Dear, please don't be like that. I need you so much." The lady moved closer, her voice became a whisper to made the girl lower her defenses so she would be able to claim her.
The girl, perhaps sensing the movement, again raised her head. Casting a violent look at the lady, she said "I thought I told you to leave. Can't you hear? Your presence irks me."
That was all it took. The lady couldn't take it anymore. She slowly rose to her feet and then made her way to exit of the vast white room.
"Be the one I love, dear Judecca. I will not give up on you. Not yet," said the lady before closing the door.
Finally alone, the girl pulled out an old, crumpled photograph of a family of five. Four of them had their faces marked with an 'X'. The girl bit on her finger hard until she tasted blood, then drew a red circle around the remaining person's face.
"Mother, forgive me," she sobbed. "I am unable to meet you now that I am bound to walk on this wretched land for eternity."
She put the photograph close to her heart and silently cried.
This silence would continue until finally the blue-eyed girl speaks. Her voice was so tiny that anyone who hasn't have the slightest idea that she will speak, will surely wouldn't be able to heard her.
"Why?" she asked the lady, still staring into nothing. There was a slight bitterness in her tone, like the mere act of talking disgusts her.
The lady smiled. "Still harboring a deep hatred towards me, eh? Judecca my dear, if it wouldn't because of me you will not even exist at all!" Walking slowly to the girl, her dress billowed elegantly as she moved.
The girl didn't say anything. Nor did her offer any gesture of confirmation that she acknowledge what the lady had said. She continued to sit motionless, the only movement from her was the batting of her eyelids at certain times. Regardless of anything, she didn't budge. Not even when the lady put her long, thin arms around her, hugging her closely that she seemed to be engulfed in the lady's dress.
"Judecca," the lady said, her lips were not far from the girl's right ear. "Please don't be like this. You of all people should understand the pain of being unwanted." She pressed against the girl's cheek, tasting her and breathing in her scent. "You know that I always have my eyes on you, do you? Ever since the first time I saw you, so frail and tiny a human could be, cradling the mangled remains of that man, I knew I wouldn't be able to forget you. I have put my mark on you so no matter where you are..." The lady purposely breathed into her ear, hoping she would show any sign.
She smiled when she felt the girl trembled lightly. The ears were her weak spots, the lady thought. How irresistablingly cute. Continuing her advances while watching the girl closely, she couldn't help but slowly caressing the fair-skinned neck, tracing the smoothness of it with her own soft fingertips, imagining the sensation of kissing it would bring to both of them. This time, the lady was the one who shuddered.
Out of the sudden, the girl turned her head, staring sharply into the lady's eyes, her own burned with hatred, seething with undescribable anger. She pushed the lady away and kept on gazing coldly at her.
"Don't touch me."
Three simple words, complimented by the tone she used while uttering them. It was clear that she was indeed dead serious.
Tears rolled down the lady's cheeks. She was denied the chance to earn the warmth of this very attractive girl and that was what she had been looking forward for many days. "Judecca, please..." she moaned.
"Leave me alone. Your presence irks me," the girl replied. Then she went back hugging her legs, burying her face into her arms. Her hair fell forward, shielding her from the lady's sight.
The lady didn't say anything more. She wasn't prepared for this as she thought the girl would fall for her so easily due to her charms that could seduce both men and women alike. Being rejected by someone she really wanted was something new to her.
"I see. So you won't even allow me to be next to you, aren't you? Do you know to what extend I suffer with you not being next to me? Do you know how much I wished that you would be mine even for a brief moment? I have given you a new life, and this is how you repay me? That perfect petite body, it was I who gave it to you and by right, I am able to claim it anytime I want!"
The lady breathed heavily, awaiting the sweet girl's reply. Wiping her tears and letting some fell onto her lap so to better display her emotion.
The girl raised her head. "I didn't ask you to revive me. I didn't even want to live once again, no matter in what form I returned into. I had enough with this sick world, a world of perpetual conflict. I wanted to escape, do you understand? Yet you came waltzing along, pulling me into your embrace, asking me to graze on your lips. That time, I thought you are an angel of Death, came to claim my soul, to ferry me into the afterlife," the girl said in a voice devoid of sympathy. "I was wrong. You did not come to put me out of my misery. You instead bound me to the world I wanted to escape so much. Do you realise what you have done? This new life you granted me, it's not a blessing. Of all thing, it is a curse."
"But dear Judecca, you are too beautiful a girl to be left dead. You do not deserve the fate that befell others. You do not deserve to be put underground, to be fouled by the stench of decay. The putridness of such smell will rob you of purity you possessed when you were alive. That is why I forged a new body for you and put you there. You are too lovely to be dead," the lady interjected. Her tears flowed even more as every single word she said felt like a thorn spat out from her mouth.
The girl was visibly upset by the revelation, evident by her chewing her lips and the way she casted down her head. "Then please, just kill me now. You brought me back, you must know how to send me to where I am supposed to belong."
The lady smiled weakly. "This is where you belong, Judecca. Forget about your mortal life, and live here with me. I... I have been so lonely without anyone so I created you to be my companion."
The girl, disappointed with the answer, once again buried her face into her arms.
"Dear, please don't be like that. I need you so much." The lady moved closer, her voice became a whisper to made the girl lower her defenses so she would be able to claim her.
The girl, perhaps sensing the movement, again raised her head. Casting a violent look at the lady, she said "I thought I told you to leave. Can't you hear? Your presence irks me."
That was all it took. The lady couldn't take it anymore. She slowly rose to her feet and then made her way to exit of the vast white room.
"Be the one I love, dear Judecca. I will not give up on you. Not yet," said the lady before closing the door.
Finally alone, the girl pulled out an old, crumpled photograph of a family of five. Four of them had their faces marked with an 'X'. The girl bit on her finger hard until she tasted blood, then drew a red circle around the remaining person's face.
"Mother, forgive me," she sobbed. "I am unable to meet you now that I am bound to walk on this wretched land for eternity."
She put the photograph close to her heart and silently cried.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Those Who Accept
Lovely.
You are a beauty so tainted with sinful desires. I can't think of anything else as mesmerising as you. Just a mere glance at the corner of my eyes is enough to send a vicious rapture into my deepest self. The way your hair frolics in the wind, appearing as alive as your arms, waving at me your defenseless victim. Baiting me to fall prey to your unworldly perfection that is your eyes. The charm of the sky gleams within them and the golden rays of the sun captured in your hair. A majestic being that defies the laws of nature. Never possible is the existance of such artistry in a person yet you are present now right before me, smiling as if you read my frozen thoughts
Then you giggle. Ah, the very sound of it... Silky, sultry voice that is able to stop my heart from beating and by the exact same voice it is revived. Not even a Stravarius playing the Devil's Thrill Sonata can produce the same ambiance. That is not an exaggeration.
The scent you carry paralyses me so much that I appear as still as the statues of the saints back home. Why, if you were a hungry beast you would be feasting on my flesh easily. Not that I would be against it though. I would be glad to be devoured by you.
A slight touch of your fingers is so soothing, the coldness of them pressing against my forehead creates an undescribable sensation in my chest. My eyelids flutter shut, succumbing to the sweet lethargy brought upon this benevolent creature... Everything seems so dark now...
Clutching my head in your tiny hands, you lean forward and kisses my forehead. Then slowly moving down, leaving a trail of unseen wetness along. You touch my forehead with yours, gazing into my eyes with those brilliant azure orbs and open your lips. "Yes... Let go of everything. Please rest now as you have done much," you whisper.
I can feel my body slackens and my heartbeats become sluggish. A magic cast by you and I am powerless to resist. Just when I am about to close my eyes that I see the mark on your neck.
The Crest of Death...
But it is too late now.
You are a beauty so tainted with sinful desires. I can't think of anything else as mesmerising as you. Just a mere glance at the corner of my eyes is enough to send a vicious rapture into my deepest self. The way your hair frolics in the wind, appearing as alive as your arms, waving at me your defenseless victim. Baiting me to fall prey to your unworldly perfection that is your eyes. The charm of the sky gleams within them and the golden rays of the sun captured in your hair. A majestic being that defies the laws of nature. Never possible is the existance of such artistry in a person yet you are present now right before me, smiling as if you read my frozen thoughts
Then you giggle. Ah, the very sound of it... Silky, sultry voice that is able to stop my heart from beating and by the exact same voice it is revived. Not even a Stravarius playing the Devil's Thrill Sonata can produce the same ambiance. That is not an exaggeration.
The scent you carry paralyses me so much that I appear as still as the statues of the saints back home. Why, if you were a hungry beast you would be feasting on my flesh easily. Not that I would be against it though. I would be glad to be devoured by you.
A slight touch of your fingers is so soothing, the coldness of them pressing against my forehead creates an undescribable sensation in my chest. My eyelids flutter shut, succumbing to the sweet lethargy brought upon this benevolent creature... Everything seems so dark now...
Clutching my head in your tiny hands, you lean forward and kisses my forehead. Then slowly moving down, leaving a trail of unseen wetness along. You touch my forehead with yours, gazing into my eyes with those brilliant azure orbs and open your lips. "Yes... Let go of everything. Please rest now as you have done much," you whisper.
I can feel my body slackens and my heartbeats become sluggish. A magic cast by you and I am powerless to resist. Just when I am about to close my eyes that I see the mark on your neck.
The Crest of Death...
But it is too late now.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Sliver Misconception
Apparently there was a misunderstanding before in my part.
The ballad was actually carrying a bit different story than what I depicted in the previous blog post. I overlooked some keywords within the lyrics and when carefully read the real story fleshed out.
A man had just lost his lover to Death, and he was oddly angry at her for leaving him that way. Perhaps the lady committed suicide on him.
After some time sinking in delusions and painful memories, he finally came to terms that she was not to return to him anymore.
Hence the word 'hate' that seemed out of place in such a sad ballad.
I underestimated the song. The actual meaning is much more deeper.
The ballad was actually carrying a bit different story than what I depicted in the previous blog post. I overlooked some keywords within the lyrics and when carefully read the real story fleshed out.
A man had just lost his lover to Death, and he was oddly angry at her for leaving him that way. Perhaps the lady committed suicide on him.
After some time sinking in delusions and painful memories, he finally came to terms that she was not to return to him anymore.
Hence the word 'hate' that seemed out of place in such a sad ballad.
I underestimated the song. The actual meaning is much more deeper.
Monday, March 14, 2011
A Minuscule Escape
There is this ballad that I am very fond of right now.
Immediately after listening to the melody that weaved through the silence, played obviously by the hands of a creative on, off the keys of a grand piano...
...I am bewitched... Spellbounded to the ground...
I am infatuated with that song.
The smooth heart-aching tune flowed seamlessly cutting through even the most hardiest person, slowly peeling layers of toughness off him, revealing the vulnerable side of him. I have read stories of how people wept when this ballad was played. It is no surprise though. The song is so beautiful that it has to be put in its own level of distinction so as to differentiate it from other alluring pieces.
How I felt when I hear it?
Due to the song depicting the inner voice of a person who has lost his lover, it was as if a red-hot poker has skewered my heart. The lyrics speaks of how the person tried to forget everything about her as she had been snatched by Death, but he was unable to do so. He was looking for a way to die yet refused to take his own life deliberately. In the end he suffered so much, tormented by the memories of the days spent with her. For him love is like blood that are coursing through everyone's veins, pulsating, straining to keep the body alive.
Even sleep couldn't calm him down; he compared it as taking narcotics that only slows the heartbeats and bringing one into a dream-like state of wake.
Declaring the dream was over with such saddened voice, he promised to his lover to meet her soon again in his dreams. Having lost his will to continue living on, his reason to waking up is only to return to his slumber.
And so the cycle goes on.
Personally, the ballad let me experience the feeling of loss, the one that everyone will go through someday. The great pang of loneliness hit like a tip of a sword driven into my neck, barely noticeable at first yet painful once I find out about the wound.
So the vocalist is giving a subliminal message, to appreciate and cherish everyone around us. It goes well with the saying, "we only realise the true value of something when it is not by our side anymore".
So here I want to apologise to everyone I had done wrong. Our time is very limited and the world keeps on revolving fast... And I know I won't be able to survive alone.
To my beautiful one, you are the single flower I picked from the soils of many. And remember that it is due to you having a different scent from others.
You are special Kiko. Very special.
I love you so much.
Immediately after listening to the melody that weaved through the silence, played obviously by the hands of a creative on, off the keys of a grand piano...
...I am bewitched... Spellbounded to the ground...
I am infatuated with that song.
The smooth heart-aching tune flowed seamlessly cutting through even the most hardiest person, slowly peeling layers of toughness off him, revealing the vulnerable side of him. I have read stories of how people wept when this ballad was played. It is no surprise though. The song is so beautiful that it has to be put in its own level of distinction so as to differentiate it from other alluring pieces.
How I felt when I hear it?
Due to the song depicting the inner voice of a person who has lost his lover, it was as if a red-hot poker has skewered my heart. The lyrics speaks of how the person tried to forget everything about her as she had been snatched by Death, but he was unable to do so. He was looking for a way to die yet refused to take his own life deliberately. In the end he suffered so much, tormented by the memories of the days spent with her. For him love is like blood that are coursing through everyone's veins, pulsating, straining to keep the body alive.
Even sleep couldn't calm him down; he compared it as taking narcotics that only slows the heartbeats and bringing one into a dream-like state of wake.
Declaring the dream was over with such saddened voice, he promised to his lover to meet her soon again in his dreams. Having lost his will to continue living on, his reason to waking up is only to return to his slumber.
And so the cycle goes on.
Personally, the ballad let me experience the feeling of loss, the one that everyone will go through someday. The great pang of loneliness hit like a tip of a sword driven into my neck, barely noticeable at first yet painful once I find out about the wound.
So the vocalist is giving a subliminal message, to appreciate and cherish everyone around us. It goes well with the saying, "we only realise the true value of something when it is not by our side anymore".
So here I want to apologise to everyone I had done wrong. Our time is very limited and the world keeps on revolving fast... And I know I won't be able to survive alone.
To my beautiful one, you are the single flower I picked from the soils of many. And remember that it is due to you having a different scent from others.
You are special Kiko. Very special.
I love you so much.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
The Ascension - Part One of Two
The night is very peaceful, though I know still there is no one single soul dares to sleep. Every single one is contemplating whether they would be able to see the tomorrow’s sunrise and continue to hope, to die another way instead of being skewered by the frenzied greedy blades. They pray to the God Almighty for Divine Protection, to shield them from the evil that has tarnished our beloved knight. For God to purge the Devil that has resides within his body so the once-kind Knight will be able to come to his senses finally. For the Knight to once again carry his duty and pledges his loyalty to the name of this kingdom. Even the children too, who looked up at the Knight as their hero, they pray for him to return back to his original self.
How much has this Fallen Knight hurt my kingdom?
Greatly.
For how long will he continue slaying my people who relied on him to ensure their safety?
How long will he continue to disgrace me, one who trusted him? One who misjudged him? One who consider him as a dear brother?
Not for long.
He has not come only for the throne. I can feel it. He is after the forbidden manuscripts, for the immortality it promised. So that he can continue to rule the kingdom he desired to rob from my hands. How he found out about the manuscripts, I do not know. Perhaps I had let slip of it when we were both driven by absinthe and merry a long time ago. It could happen that way, although it sounds absurd. But absurd is the thought of him lost to the greed and becoming the beast he is now. It never occurs to me that he is a thorn, hidden for years, waiting for the right moment to wound me silently, drawing blood from his king that he had served for the most of his teenage years. He had raised the point of his sword to me, challenging my position and questioning my worth to rule. All the while desiring the eternal life the potion I am about to brew granted.
As a king, I will not surrender to him. I will protect the throne and the forbidden manuals with my own life.
But I will not die in his hands.
The ingredients are ready. The throne room is now filled with the unearthly smell of musk; seductive and I can feel the sweet lethargy of drunkenness. Nearly everything has been added to the mixture, except for one most vital element.
I grabbed the vial containing the extract of the roses, gathered from atop of the tomb of my earliest ancestor, one who was said to discover the secret of immortality. How irony that he now rests within the wombs of the earth now.
The extract is thick like syrup, and deep red in colour. Very blood-like. Like the blood of my people. People that were slain by injustice blades. Helpless, innocent people. My beloved people. They had died calling my name, their king, their guardian, along in the lines of prayers upon God. They had died during the massive invasion and I was defending only my castle. I have failed them. I wonder what their thoughts on realising that no one would help them. I wonder how they feared the gleam of merciless blades that thirst for their blood. I wonder if they still believed that their king will be there to save them when their very flesh was peeled from their bodies.
They fell as martyrs, and I won’t let their deaths be in vain.
Drop by drop, the extract has been added to the mixture. The previously colourless liquid is now the same colour of the extract. The sweet musk is now replaced with the stench of decay, defiling the throne room with its foul nature. There are mists emerging from the cauldron in which I brew the potion in, choking anyone that inhaled them in.
Is this the potion that will grant me eternal life? Will this potion save my kingdom from the seemingly unimposing doom? Will it be able to prevent my bloodline from being wiped away from the face of the earth?
There is only one way to find out.
With shaking hands, I poured the foul-smelling potion into a goblet. I stare into the dark night sky outside the window. Perhaps, it will be the last thing I will see…
I hold my breath, raise the goblet to my lips and let the liquid it held to flow into me. I can feel it trickle down my throat slowly. The coppery taste of it catches me by surprise and I nearly spit it out. But with the thoughts of my people who had died, I willed myself into gulping it down.
Now let’s see if I will become a being that has climbed up the stairways to Godhood.
How much has this Fallen Knight hurt my kingdom?
Greatly.
For how long will he continue slaying my people who relied on him to ensure their safety?
How long will he continue to disgrace me, one who trusted him? One who misjudged him? One who consider him as a dear brother?
Not for long.
He has not come only for the throne. I can feel it. He is after the forbidden manuscripts, for the immortality it promised. So that he can continue to rule the kingdom he desired to rob from my hands. How he found out about the manuscripts, I do not know. Perhaps I had let slip of it when we were both driven by absinthe and merry a long time ago. It could happen that way, although it sounds absurd. But absurd is the thought of him lost to the greed and becoming the beast he is now. It never occurs to me that he is a thorn, hidden for years, waiting for the right moment to wound me silently, drawing blood from his king that he had served for the most of his teenage years. He had raised the point of his sword to me, challenging my position and questioning my worth to rule. All the while desiring the eternal life the potion I am about to brew granted.
As a king, I will not surrender to him. I will protect the throne and the forbidden manuals with my own life.
But I will not die in his hands.
The ingredients are ready. The throne room is now filled with the unearthly smell of musk; seductive and I can feel the sweet lethargy of drunkenness. Nearly everything has been added to the mixture, except for one most vital element.
I grabbed the vial containing the extract of the roses, gathered from atop of the tomb of my earliest ancestor, one who was said to discover the secret of immortality. How irony that he now rests within the wombs of the earth now.
The extract is thick like syrup, and deep red in colour. Very blood-like. Like the blood of my people. People that were slain by injustice blades. Helpless, innocent people. My beloved people. They had died calling my name, their king, their guardian, along in the lines of prayers upon God. They had died during the massive invasion and I was defending only my castle. I have failed them. I wonder what their thoughts on realising that no one would help them. I wonder how they feared the gleam of merciless blades that thirst for their blood. I wonder if they still believed that their king will be there to save them when their very flesh was peeled from their bodies.
They fell as martyrs, and I won’t let their deaths be in vain.
Drop by drop, the extract has been added to the mixture. The previously colourless liquid is now the same colour of the extract. The sweet musk is now replaced with the stench of decay, defiling the throne room with its foul nature. There are mists emerging from the cauldron in which I brew the potion in, choking anyone that inhaled them in.
Is this the potion that will grant me eternal life? Will this potion save my kingdom from the seemingly unimposing doom? Will it be able to prevent my bloodline from being wiped away from the face of the earth?
There is only one way to find out.
With shaking hands, I poured the foul-smelling potion into a goblet. I stare into the dark night sky outside the window. Perhaps, it will be the last thing I will see…
I hold my breath, raise the goblet to my lips and let the liquid it held to flow into me. I can feel it trickle down my throat slowly. The coppery taste of it catches me by surprise and I nearly spit it out. But with the thoughts of my people who had died, I willed myself into gulping it down.
Now let’s see if I will become a being that has climbed up the stairways to Godhood.
The Ascension - Prologue
Roses; the insignia of my royal family and kingdom, but now trampled by the feet of the enemy. It is now disgraced under the boots caked with dirt of the consecrated grounds. Our pride is shattered under the vicious onslaught, the relentless merciless mass murder. The kingdom that took six generations to build is now on the brink of destruction in just a week’s time. Our soldiers were not able to even slow the enemy down; all were cut down with the swift blades tainted with greed.
It was my fault for not seeing through the eyes of my most trusted knight. I failed to see the glimmer of traitorous intent when I first saw him, dragging an old worn-out blade into the training chamber of the castle years ago. His skills with sword made him entitled as the finest warrior in the kingdom. I gifted him the sword forged by the hands of my father long before his death. It was meant to protect the kingdom yet he uses it to stab me from behind instead.
There was a message from him relayed through a dying soldier, who had walked a distance from the battlefield to the gates of the castle with sharp blades stuck deep in his flesh. His body was carrying the wounds of torture. In his hand was clutched a letter, written with blood, informing me that the Knight would come to claim the throne from me. The soldier told me that the entire battalion was no more. All of them were either dead, or in captive awaiting brutal, painful execution. With the last of his breath, he declared his faith in me to protect the kingdom from destruction brought forth by the fallen Knight.
For now, I locked myself in the seclusion of the throne room. Not of cowardice though, I spent nights reading through the manuscripts left by my ancestors, each detailing the process of brewing a potion that is supposed to grant eternal life. But it does not come without a price. It is said that the potion will also rob the light out of its drinker, corruption his heart with darkness.
These manuscripts are forbidden artifacts passed down from generation to generation in the royal family. Their existence are only known to few; a closely guarded secret that is put above the life of the king himself. None has ever possessed the courage to brew the potion in fear of the said price. The ingredients are scribbled in riddles, where one can easily misinterpret and end up with lethal elixir instead.
All of that will change tonight.
I will take a step up the stairs to God, and challenge death by the time the Knight arrive to claim the throne meant only to one that carries royal blood within his body.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Secret Song
This place is not yet abandoned.
Reticence is what I experience right now. I find myself more comfortable expressing what I feel or think in this form rather than speaking it directly.
Yet I still hope that my voice will not remain unheard. Hypocritical isn't it? Or maybe I'm just greedy.
Or maybe, as it has been pointed out by someone, because I am afraid of doing a mistake.
I do not like that.
Mistakes are necessary for evolution.
And I suffer due to my heart being easily swayed. I have yet to develop a firm two feet to stand on my own. At times I wish they would let go of my hands to allow me execute every moves myself.
Because mistakes are necessary for evolution.
So please just watch me, I promise to outshine even the heavens.
And bring light even brighter than the full moon itself.
Reticence is what I experience right now. I find myself more comfortable expressing what I feel or think in this form rather than speaking it directly.
Yet I still hope that my voice will not remain unheard. Hypocritical isn't it? Or maybe I'm just greedy.
Or maybe, as it has been pointed out by someone, because I am afraid of doing a mistake.
I do not like that.
Mistakes are necessary for evolution.
And I suffer due to my heart being easily swayed. I have yet to develop a firm two feet to stand on my own. At times I wish they would let go of my hands to allow me execute every moves myself.
Because mistakes are necessary for evolution.
So please just watch me, I promise to outshine even the heavens.
And bring light even brighter than the full moon itself.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
DA DON VIDIVI DA DON
It's rare that I use a song that included a lot of curses as a lullaby nowadays
but right now I am listening to Agony by the GazettE. The bass tracks is really good. It was the one that gave this song its mood. Reita is such a great bassist.
Anyways, I will go sleep now.
but right now I am listening to Agony by the GazettE. The bass tracks is really good. It was the one that gave this song its mood. Reita is such a great bassist.
Anyways, I will go sleep now.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Lacrimation
"Eternal Member".
This particular line gave such heart-rendering drive to me.
Drawing upon the memories, they appointed a person to be the sixth member rather than replacing the deceased.
The new member looks fine. He fits in with the concept and all. Another addition to the Coven of the Roses.
Let's hope for their best.
This particular line gave such heart-rendering drive to me.
Drawing upon the memories, they appointed a person to be the sixth member rather than replacing the deceased.
The new member looks fine. He fits in with the concept and all. Another addition to the Coven of the Roses.
Let's hope for their best.
Monday, January 17, 2011
CROSSFIRE
Why the faces contort with such shadow
This place holds nothing but the agitated screams now
You you you you you
Wrapped in own ego and unable to see the fault in your way
Do not blame others for your partial blindness
Out there I'm pretty sure
You will find another hypocrite
So perhaps you can polish your growing madness and dictatorship
The last song is written as your requiem
Laced with thinly veiled hatred I really hope you understand
This beautiful image of a falling butterfly that lost both her wings
Burnt deep into my retina and wanders about
This place was plagued by thick mist and was cleared by the swift anger
Now I can see which is enemy and which is misery
The old me has died along with my loyalty to you
So long because now I want to forge my own path
One that will not cross yours, I'm making it to reality
Our dreams that you don't want to grasp now
Will your ego ever die? I doubt it will
Because as long as you continue to live you will accumulate the pride
And soon you won't be able to look at the ground anymore
Therefore go away, carrying the image of the butterfly
Remember that it once represent you
Only now she is without wings and falling
This place holds nothing but the agitated screams now
You you you you you
Wrapped in own ego and unable to see the fault in your way
Do not blame others for your partial blindness
Out there I'm pretty sure
You will find another hypocrite
So perhaps you can polish your growing madness and dictatorship
The last song is written as your requiem
Laced with thinly veiled hatred I really hope you understand
This beautiful image of a falling butterfly that lost both her wings
Burnt deep into my retina and wanders about
This place was plagued by thick mist and was cleared by the swift anger
Now I can see which is enemy and which is misery
The old me has died along with my loyalty to you
So long because now I want to forge my own path
One that will not cross yours, I'm making it to reality
Our dreams that you don't want to grasp now
Will your ego ever die? I doubt it will
Because as long as you continue to live you will accumulate the pride
And soon you won't be able to look at the ground anymore
Therefore go away, carrying the image of the butterfly
Remember that it once represent you
Only now she is without wings and falling
Dearest Beloved Dim Voice
I wonder how much wound has I inflicted upon you
Also how much do they bleed when I turned my back on you
but you are still silent, bearing all the ache brimming
The little lies echo across the room and pierce the glass heart
And now there's no stopping of the overflowing sadness from your eyes isn't it?
You wept into the pure white sheet while gazing at my sleeping figure
The morning rids of the hazy memory of the night along with you
That is why I don't recall the reason you cried before
Forgive me, now I will reach out to you and erase the words that wound you
The loneliness seeps into me with every drawn-out sigh
It's like I am cursed, petrified upon seeing the light
Unknowingly I set myself apart from everything I once knew
Because it means I will be able to hear you again
"I still love you dearly..."
Despite the signs being painfully clear I failed to read the expression in your tone
But once again, please whisper only to me like you used to
Because the nights are torturously long and cold
The last words we exchanged keep on replaying
I keep on imagining the heat when our hands are encased by each other
"Goodbye, no more"
"I won't be wounded anymore, so goodbye"
Please don't go
I saw the azure of the sky turn to ashes
Tomorrow it will repeat again and again
Just like how your voice used to be while I waited for the cigarette to burn completely
I still remember how your face felt like
I still remember how you smelled faintly like alcohol
Never these would fade away
I have integrated you deeply within me
Also how much do they bleed when I turned my back on you
but you are still silent, bearing all the ache brimming
The little lies echo across the room and pierce the glass heart
And now there's no stopping of the overflowing sadness from your eyes isn't it?
You wept into the pure white sheet while gazing at my sleeping figure
The morning rids of the hazy memory of the night along with you
That is why I don't recall the reason you cried before
Forgive me, now I will reach out to you and erase the words that wound you
The loneliness seeps into me with every drawn-out sigh
It's like I am cursed, petrified upon seeing the light
Unknowingly I set myself apart from everything I once knew
Because it means I will be able to hear you again
"I still love you dearly..."
Despite the signs being painfully clear I failed to read the expression in your tone
But once again, please whisper only to me like you used to
Because the nights are torturously long and cold
The last words we exchanged keep on replaying
I keep on imagining the heat when our hands are encased by each other
"Goodbye, no more"
"I won't be wounded anymore, so goodbye"
Please don't go
I saw the azure of the sky turn to ashes
Tomorrow it will repeat again and again
Just like how your voice used to be while I waited for the cigarette to burn completely
I still remember how your face felt like
I still remember how you smelled faintly like alcohol
Never these would fade away
I have integrated you deeply within me
Sunday, January 9, 2011
「わきざし」 WAKIZASHI
If only in the morning you greet me like how the chilling cold do so many times
Maybe everything will move in a steady pace
At times I fall to my knees but no one offers a hand out of sympathy
I just smile knowing that you would do so if you were here
But the moment I grab your outstretched arm you fade away and I wake up eventually
The more I think of the times you were here, the more painful it gets
I embrace my weak heart and keep on praying that our paths will intertwine once again
At times my drinks are diluted by my own tears
Because I can see my reflection on the surface and it looks so lonely without you next to it
I dip my fingers into the liquid and write your initials across the table and they disappear along with my frail calmness
My voice leaves me whenever I long for you so much
I cannot hear myself when I mutter your name
If only we met earlier perhaps we won't end up being apart like this
Maybe I can persuade myself to stay with you
But I know the thoughts are naught but fantasy being born from regret
I lit up the night with the candle and close my eyes
I tried many times to find the one that matches your scent but to no avail
Weeping while wondering how would I get to catch it again, slowly I drift to sleep
And tomorrow will come and the cycle will start all over again
Maybe everything will move in a steady pace
At times I fall to my knees but no one offers a hand out of sympathy
I just smile knowing that you would do so if you were here
But the moment I grab your outstretched arm you fade away and I wake up eventually
The more I think of the times you were here, the more painful it gets
I embrace my weak heart and keep on praying that our paths will intertwine once again
At times my drinks are diluted by my own tears
Because I can see my reflection on the surface and it looks so lonely without you next to it
I dip my fingers into the liquid and write your initials across the table and they disappear along with my frail calmness
My voice leaves me whenever I long for you so much
I cannot hear myself when I mutter your name
If only we met earlier perhaps we won't end up being apart like this
Maybe I can persuade myself to stay with you
But I know the thoughts are naught but fantasy being born from regret
I lit up the night with the candle and close my eyes
I tried many times to find the one that matches your scent but to no avail
Weeping while wondering how would I get to catch it again, slowly I drift to sleep
And tomorrow will come and the cycle will start all over again
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Twilight Theory
Expectation so high that people cannot see below.
Admiration turns to obsession that some fail to see clearly.
People tend to overlook the rose due to the overwhelming beauty, only for their fingers to be wounded by the thorns.
How many more will surface?
"Dieu sait mieux." We'll see.
Admiration turns to obsession that some fail to see clearly.
People tend to overlook the rose due to the overwhelming beauty, only for their fingers to be wounded by the thorns.
How many more will surface?
"Dieu sait mieux." We'll see.
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