Closure Internal

Seal everything within so they won't leave.

Don't let them escape you.

Even though they are on the brink of breaking, embrace them as tightly as you can.

Don't let them slip away from your grasp and end up being far away from you.

Because if you do, they won't return.

Everything is transient, none is everlasting.

TOGE

Like the ebbing waves, this feeling in my chest subsides and returns once more.

I wonder why is that.

I find myself reading to William Blake's poetry nowadays. They have the quality I want to posses.

Though they can hardly smoother the flames sometimes.

I think, it's best to just stay at a distance and watch. The person whom I avoid, is actually a glass bottle. Once explodes, the shards will wound many people nearby.

Someone who gives out easily to anger... I'm sorry but I'm often disgusted in their acts.

I have been exposed to that situation when I was still a small child. Someone lost his head and began his rampage in front of me.

Idiot. What an idiot.

I can't look at his face without remembering how his eyes were dark, burning with hatred when he threw his fists against the door. How he bellowed with a voice more animal than human while he let his destructive instinct took over his body, relinquised control to the mad black flame in his heart.

I don't have a very memorable childhood. At least, according to my own hazy memories...

But that scene was burnt deeply into my mind and is still are.

The fear... A child's mind is so pure and innocent. It captures a lot of things that will remain with him/her until they grow up.

I have been shaped by the horrors I faced during my period of upbringing. Though the family try their best to protect me...

...I'd say they tend to be one step too late.

It's okay.

Am I still in a chrysalis, or have emerged anew?

Chrysalis, a hard skin beneath the shedded one. It prevents any damage done to the developing body of the soon-to-be butterfly, from which it will break out from and spread out its wings.

A question finds its way into my mind, how does the caterpillar knows the right moment to emerge?

It doesn't.

It is simply a beast of instinct.

It does not think. It acts accordingly instantly.

Maybe we can learn something from it.

PENANCE

With everything seems to be going on without control, I feel so insignificant.

It's easy to just let fate carry me away to places and situations I'm supposed to have

but sometimes, achieving what I want is much more satisfying.

Therefore I shall strive to better myself. To outdo the past in order to achieve the better future.


Lately I discovered that the person who I look up to is slowly losing whatever grace He has.

He has been reduced to an average person, the passion that drives His creativity absent in the shine of His eyes.

He has chosen a path which I will not follow. What I can do is watch His figure disappear into the horizon as He walks away without even looking back.

It is sad to lose a mentor who acts as a rival as well, but it is unevitable. I'll just advance alone.


That said, The Rose is still irresistable even after months obtaining her everlasting affection.

I'm truly glad I casted away the hesitation and whispered words that bind both of us together with the red ribbon.

Even if her petals are of a darker hue of red than mine, I promise to keep on nurturing her as best as I can.

In return for the beloved scent of the heavens hidden among the vibrant blades she posseses.

Perhaps you are a reward given to me in advance from my own Eden, because you are perfect.

Promise to not let go of me, and I will never release my grasp on you.


Dieu sait, mon cheri, this throbbing in my chest I cannot put into words. All I know it is due to you occupying most of the space in it.