リヴィングデッド

"I am satisfied with myself now, therefore I kill myself to become a living dead."

It was said over and over again inside the dream where I was half-asleep.

My dreams are quite morbid nowadays. Last night, I dreamed of a world so perpetually dark that the sun's ray is considered a bad omen for the world's residents.

"My feelings that do not reach you, I offer them as atonement for my sins. Let them be forgotten by others and may I ache forever in their absence."

The guilt is still there, embedded deeply inside my subconsciousness. It is easy to smile and forget them now and then, but late at night where I do not have to pretend anymore, they come crashing down, that feeling that I keep at bay.

"O pale stars, malevolent light of the night, a dagger has pierced my chest. Draw my life from the wound and infuse me with thy tainted blessing."

My future has not been decided. It is not set in stone. I can still influence where I will go.

"I will walk this earth eternal, and become a warning for those who abandon their compassion."

I fell asleep in the dream, and I woke up in the real world. It was dark outside, and I heard a peculiar sound of metallic chains dragged on the stone pavement.

"I shall be thy hand that strikes down those who forgot their beginning."

Recalling what I dreamed, and dissociating those that pained me, I wrote them down so as not to forget.

"For I was a king of my own realm, and my every being is stained with the blood of the innocent."

My chest hurts, the silence hurts, but that is what I have come to accept.

"Make my footsteps tremble the soil, and my breath threatens to shatter the very air. Make my voice loud and booming, so as to scare those who wish to stray from their true way."

We are born with boundaries around us, and to break the boundaries of others is what we are created to do.

"O maiden, I have betrayed you. This is what I have sentenced myself into, and I pray you are watching."

Become too attached to our own boundary and we risk of loneliness.

"For I am become death, the destroyer of worlds."

We are, by nature, a savage beast. We are given mind and able body, yet we thirst for something so basic. The primal urge to spread our existence.

"Worlds that have lost their way, and residents hedonists."

We need others, and from there we derive our own sustenance. We are alive to create a new life, and we find the reason to face tomorrow.

"Tell me, have my deeds repay your kindness?"

I know this, and I accept this. I cannot fight what has been set into my head from a long time ago.