Zettai mu

I feel heavy in heart.

Although I say I am depressed or whatever in online sites,

being with friends dissolves the sadness away.

I thank all of them, for being there with me.

So it is not an act.

Some people talk about someone who is always posting depressing phrases online, but when they meet the someone he is in fact quite happy.

Some say he is putting on a mask of happiness, hiding a grimacing face of tearful pain underneath.

The someone might also say in an ironic twist, "my smiles just now are fake".

That someone still can't understand his own heart, I would say.

So how will he be able to be honest to at least himself?

He lied to his own heart, saying that he is always alone and being in a perpetual sorrowful state

while in fact he is surrounded by people who want to share his pain and be there for him.

He is the one who pushes them away and let himself be swallowed by grief.






[Let go of the past and focus on the future.]

A phrase I like to recite to any poor soul in distress

while in fact I am still haunted by my own past and unable to escape someone's shadow.

If I want to move forward I will inevitably be drawn back to where I start.

Maybe it is a curse, or a punishment for abandoning one thing I really shouldn't have.





May I be forgiven someday...