Ashen Sky

Breathing once again. Feeling alive once again. A year without the sun. Lurid sky that attempts to take me away from my hiding place.

Give me the strength to leave this world behind. I don't want to return anymore. I need to move forward.

Because holding the memories close to our hearts will make us blind to what fate has prepared for us in the future. Memories are nice, but that is as far as they go, and nice things tend to not last as long as its counterpart.

Trying so hard to reach out from the sphere of influence that has engulfed me since years ago, I couldn't see anything else but the way forward. I couldn't see the obstacles in the way and ended up crashing as I did many times before.

Viewing the world through blurry eyes, I wear corrective lenses to see this twisted world better.

Living without you, I can live without you. Even in the dark, I still feel safe by myself. I can still walk without touching the ground. Not afraid of anything, repeating the words you used to say to me every night over and over again. I am creating a copy of your mannerism inside me so I can never feel truly alone.

Standing on the edge, trying to come to my senses after saying goodbye. I see the world in gray, a monochromatic realm of black and white. All colors drained from their essences and became incomplete and unnamed.

Now, they are slowly returning. The lurid shirts I used to wear now brings a familiar sensation.

Those years of our own, trying to comply to each other's needs, while seemed pointless now, they shone in their own cryptic way.

We are growing up in the end. We were but kids trying to mimic adults. Kindred souls we may be, but never soul-mates. Not the first, not the last either.

I am indulging myself in things I once refrained to do, and I feel like myself once more, even if it lasted only for a while. By the night, I feel so pathetic.

Why am I trying to pretend to be someone else out there?

I feel sick, and the light in this room seem so fake out of a sudden. I switch it off and try to make sense of what I typed in while looking out through my window. The window that is so far away from the outside world.

There's nothing out there for me. I need to take the initiative and make things as my own.