明鏡止水

My dreams are much more vivid when I am sick.

Last night, I dreamed of the king once again. I was not in control of the dream, so I watched as he dined in the extravagant hall. He was all alone, however. I couldn't remember his facial expression, but I could feel loneliness emanating from his entire self.

What happened to the once proud castle? What is a king without the citizens? What use is being wealthy when you are all alone in the world?

The weight that he shouldered must have been tremendous. I knew right away that he did something wrong. Something that had wiped away all his people. The motivation unknown, but I would be away to concoct something out.

I am focusing more on the dream world than reality right now, because I am spending a lot of time recuperating in bed. Reality is just beyond the door of my bedroom, and I refuse to go out for now. Once in a while, I would receive a few text messages from my friends. Those are the only indication that I am not completely cut out from this world.

The place where I live right now, is a place that is disconnected from the outside world. We, the residents, are quite fine spending time by ourselves. This place is a world on its own, and can exist independently without relying on the outside world.

I seek for a place to call home a few years ago, and I thought I had found it somewhere where the forests are lush and is close to the sea. A perfect amalgamation of the sky, the sea and the earth. How wrong could I be?

I still long for the sea. Even when I am in my withdrawn state, I still enjoy being outside with the people who know when to speak or not to. I know that I am not one of a kind, and I probably don't deserve any special treatment, but once in a while, I just need to take a break from communicating with other people. I don't hate people, but I do cherish the silent moments spend with the people that I care about. Some may feel uneasy with it, labeling those as awkward moments.

I know that I am sensitive to other people. I feel like others are perpetually emitting waves that carry their emotion, and I am a recipient that absorbs all these waves. My own waves would adjust, and I find myself feeling the same emotion eventually.

All these absorbing and adjusting are the things that make me tired. I don't dislike them, though. In fact, I really like it when people come to me to talk about their feelings, mostly. Even more so if it is of different topic from their previous one. It makes me feel needed, and is one of the very few moments that my sensitivity is appreciated.

Some people tend to abuse this, though. They manipulate their own emotion to confuse me, and lead me someplace where I don't belong. A place where many people are. Being in a close proximity with that much people tire me down even faster.

This is not supposed to be a long post, since I need to rest soon, but it ended this way.

I am moving on. Thank you, and goodbye. I am trying not to think of you anymore, but in this small country, we are bound to meet mutual friends and family members that know us both.

I am still hurting, however, but nothing I can't mend on my own.