People say "Just move on."

People say, "Don't think about that anymore."

People say, "Cheer up."

You guys make it sound easy.

There are a few things we can't change, and often we find ourselves wanting to turn back time. I am starting to sink again. This hole underneath my feet. They are still there, waiting for me to fall once again.

I am thinking that I am in danger right now. I don't feel especially motivated to fill up my bucket. I don't even know where I am supposed to go now.

There was a news recently, of a man who committed suicide in this small country. I was really affected by it, so much that I had a breakdown myself. Poor guy. If only we can somehow extend a hand to help him, maybe he wouldn't have to leave early.

That could have been me.

I lost my voice a couple of weeks back, and at home I pretended to be completely mute. Outside, I was able to barely speak to other, but at home, no. I didn't mean to do that. I didn't mean to lie, but I just don't want to initiate a talk to people who know of my pain. They let me do stuffs alone, but observed me around the clock to see whether I will go berserk again. Every night I pretended to sleep and found out that the people of this house kept on peeking every hour or so. Maybe they expected to find a body hanging late at night, but I am glad to say that they didn't.

Depression is incurable. They stay inside you forever. You can only forget that you are depressed, and medicines can only keep them in check. But being depressed isn't really a bad thing, at least to me. You can see whom among the people you keep around will reach out for you. You'll know who among your friends or families will offer their shoulders to lean on. You'll see those things.

And from there, you'll identity who is true, and who is a pretender.