ﾏﾘｱはどこえ

I dreamt I was decapitating the mannequins over and over again.

What has happened? Please make up your mind.

They cried but I didn't care. They were still alive after that, though. After all, they were mannequins. Probably that's the reason why they were missing their heads in one of my earlier dreams.

I am having multiple episodes of sudden migraines currently, the reason I still don't know what. I sleep for a total of 7-8 hours daily, and have a nice long rest already. I don't know what the trigger is this time.

Yesterday I was having a nice chat with a trusted friend. It feels good to know that there are still some people out there that are concerned. As usual, I do not know where to start but when asked, I just kept talking and talking.

Maybe I'll be like this for the rest of my life. I don't know. If I constantly need a push to do something, what will happen if there's no one behind me? Probably I'll just hang back and keep on waiting for the push.

Ain't that charming.

Some people I know have two modes; one is the polite, soft-spoken side and another is a direct opposite. One time, they can be taking care of the words they say, and the next moment they can be spouting vulgarities that purples the air.

What makes them to switch modes?

I also noticed that I kind of have two modes as well. One is keep-absolutely-quiet type, one is someone who is very talkative. The trigger for this is probably the level of comfort I have at moments. The talkative one can also be someone who disregard what he says as being harmless.

I explained that as if the two modes are separate people. No, they are not separate. Those two are what I am, and I am aware of them. It's not that I have split personalities, it's more like two different end of a spectrum. The two faces of the moon. Two different sides of a coin.

Mood-swings are getting more and more common these days, and sometimes the migraine gets too painful that I need to take a break from other things. Only for a short moment, though. I'll start consulting doctors when the migraines are accompanied with serious nose-bleeding. Heh.

We look behind and sense the things we left there. The things that used to define us, but our hands are already full with things necessary for a change. Can we go back and fetch them, to bring them with us along with the new things?

I don't care. I found a singularity point and I am going to make sure I am strongly anchored to it. I feel that if I am moving forward in a fast pace, I will end up lost instead of progressing. I need a point for which I can return when things get confusing and to plan for another trip.

Until then, I'll keep on dreaming.