Travelers on the Same Road

Figuring out the reasons for our failures in a group, it feels weird.

But by sharing our experiences to others that have felt the same pain, confiding our secrets and by synchronizing our emotion with theirs... Those left me with indescribable feeling. We talked about such dark, depressing topic and lighten the mood later with music and being spiritual afterwards.

I think I am beginning to understand myself bit by bit.

I do not know how much I do stuffs for others, other than what is required of me to do e.g. chores, work from school etc. What I know that I very rarely do so.

Perhaps that is the source of the hurt.

By not doing it much, I underestimated the outcome of going out just to spend time with others. Or buying gifts and presents. Or just being there for someone physically.

I do not know whether to weep or laugh, or just stay quiet to allow my thoughts to sort themselves out.

By going out to see someone once in a while, I thought it was enough to make the person happier. What was expected of me was to be there whenever I was wanted.

I still have much to learn in life. And that worries me a lot.

Therefore I bought a guitar to distract myself from the anxiety, keeping myself preoccupied and filling the empty space with its timbre.

In the past few years, I was bound to my own ideals. It ended up catastrophically and left unpleasant memories in some people.

I won't question their decision to leave. I won't try to barge into their life again. I will just wait if they are willing to forgive me.

So I play a familiar melody for myself.

I want to slather strawberry jam to all the things in this world that cause me worry. At the very least, it will make them funny in the eyes. That would be sweet.